~ unite to powerplay ~

~ unite to powerplay ~
dating secrets for men
Image by Yves.
Secret #12:

I have certain preposessions about some cultures and their traditions. But ok, who hasn’t at times… Take for example the Turkish. I’ve made some experiences with Turkish people in the last years and there’s been some very negative things about them in the media too. Gladly in the last time I’ve experienced more positive things with them than negative.. which I guess must come from the fact that through my current job I either got in touch with the children, or women from around 40 years and older.

The negative things from the media include really weird things like ‘honor killings’, where the own family kills a daughter that in their eyes has brought them shame – by for example dating a German man without agreement of the parents, after being forced to marry a Turkish man in Turkey (in the example the woman’s life ended with several shots to the head from the own brother – and this happened about three kilomentres away from my place, here in Berlin). A German-Turkish director questioned this later in his award winning film Head-On, where the brother of the woman whose fate should look similar as the above mentioned, but who could flee from Germany and who was repudiated from the family, was confronted by the Turkish-German friend of her and the brother said "We had to save our honor!" and the friend asked "And did you save it, your honor?" – this was left unanswered. I don’t think that this has in ANY way something to do with honor… only that the family lost it, after they repudiated the daughter. Recently I heard that families have this kind of attitude to about 80% in West Turkey, in East Turkey things are much more liberal.

Those women I mentioned in my first paragraph are from East Turkey and are very liberal, easy going and fun to be with. They have their rights within their families. Most kids are ‘just kids’ anyway and still rather pure… only with the child in the image above for example I felt very much that there must have been pain and that probably his father (like I suggested through his grandma) is the one that hardly allows a certain space to breath. And unfortunately many Turkish fathers don’t know that it would be good to play with their kids, so they actually don’t build a relationship to them. That’s why those children get so easily attached to other people, especially men, that all of a sudden turn to them. Anyway, I have figures for a comparison in my head to express how I feel about Turkish people, which is 9/10: I like 9 women out of 10 (in first point of the above mentioned age) and dislike/don’t share sympathies with 9 men out of 10.


As it’s for different cultures in general… I think there are immanent similarities in certain cultures, which they share with each other and which don’t really fit in another culture – at least not without difficulties. I find that when people decide to live in another culture, they also should try to accomodate to it. (I know it might be rather difficult for me, but I know from myself that I don’t intend to live in another culture right now.. but studying the language would be important for me at least.) An accomodation to a certain degree is in my eyes very important to expect and receive a certain kind of respect. It starts with the language and doesn’t stop with respect from the strangers that came to the other country about the things that we here do or think different than them – only then they can expect respect from us for their culture, when they respect ours. I think Turkish men should do something and improve the 9/10 quote, not for me of course, but for everybody. Ok, yes… many people leave their country, because the circumstances in their own country don’t allow a peaceful life, but some simply decide to move, because they like the other country better, or because the economy is better… that’s at least the kind of people we have a lot here in Germany. I’m anyway very glad to live here too & to be German.

Just to mention this – after I’ve met somebody through the net and heard of people that think that in Germany are still facists ruling – a LOT changed in the last half century. Compared to the US, we live in a more healthy democracy today. A lot of reconciliation, talk, apologies happened in the last decades, after World War II. Other than in Asia for example, where after all this time Japan couldn’t reconcile with China, for the cruelties "they" did during the war. Talk about other cultures and their traditions or their deadlocked attitude… there’s pride and there’s pain on one side or another.. or both. Without communication and "attempts" to understanding the other side, things won’t ever get better.
And that’s not something I come up with… it’s a natural fact.