Question by Jess: Handling your fiancee dating other men to keep her sexuality a secret?
My fiancee’s father has lost his ever loving mind, and my mother-in-law cant even work with him anymore.
As of yesterday he has told her she needs to stop playing, be serious and date to find a husband.
This is what we get for secretly being engaged and not telling them, although i think my mother in law knows.
Neither of us know how to handle this. he wont let her move out, (over his dead body) and she doesnt want to cause major problems at home, so she asked me if i would be mad is she went out on a couple of dates with a guy from church to keep him off of her.
HOW THE HELL DO I HANDLE THIS! I cant stand the thought of anyone else being with her. She assured me nothing would happen, but you know some guys cant keep their hands to themselves no matter what the culture dictates (she is Arabic-Christian).
She said she wouldn’t do it if it upset me and i would be mad, but i don’t want to make her not do something. I would rather she choose to tell her father no.
But I cant make her. She has already made several allowances for him. He dictates when she come and goes, threw out a lot of her clothes to control how she dresses, dragged her to church so she could be interrogated by some lady about what kind of wife she would be, and NOW THIS?
What will he ask next?
I dunno and Im being unreasonable since i know her situation isnt easy and i want to be there because I love her with all my heart and I want a future with her. Last week we were talking about having kids and whether we wanted a pre-nup or not…now…i cant see how we can make this work unless she learns to stand her ground as an adult.
Yeah I changed the password so i could vent on this post, and she wont see it. yes now i’m hiding things from her…ugh
what do i do? We talked last night and I told her to do what is best for her….but i cant stand the thought of her dating someone else.
We are both in our 20s.
Answer by cat
Ummmmm, I definatly don’t think you’re being unreasonable.
I would actually be ANGRY at her for not being proud of/showing off your love. I would be so upset if my significant other went on a date with anyone else, I can’t even stand him looking at anyone else (I know, a bit extreme).
How old are you guys? She CAN move out, he CANNOT stop her if she is above 18 years of age (which I assume she is because you guys are engaged). She needs to do something for herself now, and although she feels like it would cause many problems at home, your relationship is not the problem, and she needs to set herself free.
This is obviously putting a lot of strain on you and stress on her, and it WILL effect the relationship in a negative way. This is what happens when you hide something as big as engagement, although the situation with her dad seems quite tough so I shouldn’t judge.
Honestly, I think that she needs to move out or her life will continue to go down, and will become a living hell (more than it already is).
Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!